I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
