Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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