I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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