she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
