remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
