he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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