***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
