Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
