have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
