Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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