How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
