i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
