how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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