What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
