I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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