Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
