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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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