guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
