I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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