There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
