It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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