At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
