Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
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I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.