he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.