If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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