worst night to have a conscience
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
