dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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