drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
