She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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