And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
