like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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