The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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