hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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