I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
