I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
