where does the pee come out of this thing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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