i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
