I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
