I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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