I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
