The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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