so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
