I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
