Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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