1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize