Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
