What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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