he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
