Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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