these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
3pm strippers are depressing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
