the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
