I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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