There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this just has baby written all over it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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