I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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