am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
