How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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