He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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