it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
