please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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