I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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