i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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