Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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